SOS Journal Entry - 8 March 19

At long last, I move in to my new apartment this weekend. I've been looking forward to this for months.

Earlier this week (Tuesday, actually), I dropped by my apartment complex to finish out the paperwork and pay all the fees: Security deposit, administrative fee, and the prorated rent for March. At the time, I had around $2K in my checking account (or so I thought). I knew, too, I would have an income check deposited in my account on Thursday (today). I thought I was safe.

I wasn't. (Well, I wasn't, but then I was. You'll just have to read on, as this statement will make more sense after you've read this in its entirety.)

Some of you know I'm self-pay where my medical expenses are concerned. I don't have health insurance, but I do belong to Christian Healthcare Ministries (CHM). CHM assists those without health insurance in the paying of their bills. I've been a member and contributor for several years. While CHM is compliant with the affordable health care act, it's not an insurance plan. As such, I must up-front the money to pay for my medical expenses, set up payment plans with providers (currently, I'm making monthly payments to seven different entities [such is the health care system in the US]), and submit claims to CHM. Typically, CHM reimburses expenses about four months after a claim is submitted. To date, I've submitted two claims: The first, the end of November; and the second, the beginning of January. As such, I have not yet received anything from CHM. I hope I receive something toward the end of this month. All told, I've already fronted well over $10k. Needless to write, I'm tapped out where my general savings is concerned. Yes, I have other savings, but it's tied up (intentionally) to make it difficult for me to get to it and make use of it.

I write the above to indicate how I'm now basically living from paycheck to paycheck. I haven't lived in such a fashion in a very long time. I'm used to looking at my checking and savings account balances and never really thinking much about rent or food money.

And so, on Tuesday, I wrote three checks to my new apartment complex thinking I had sufficient funds to cover the checks.

I was wrong (well, sort of).

This morning, when I checked my balances, I saw that two checks had cleared yesterday. But I didn't see the third (the rent check), which was the largest of the three. I panicked, thinking that the largest check had bounced. Of course, I talked with God about it; but...I did worry about it all day. It's tough when you have a lingering health issue and, at the same time, have difficulty meeting not just your medical bill obligations but your every day living expenses. This has been a part of the particular training module I've been in over the last six months. A couple weeks ago, I started calling it my SOS (my "Semester of Suffering").

With a check bouncing, I'd probably need to acquire a money order or cashier's check for the full amount. To do that, I'd need to get money from my bank, which is in Winston-Salem (the Durham branch closed last summer). Needless to write, going to Winston-Salem tomorrow would have been a significant challenge.

But I don't need to. Praise God!

I just checked my account, and it would seem the third check was not put through until today, and I had plenty to cover it. You should have seen me: Right here, right where I'm now sitting, I broke down into tears and told God how grateful I was to Him for looking out for me and for sparing me from having to go down the road I just laid out above. He spared me also from the embarrassment of bouncing a check with my new apartment complex.

As I sat here, I just let myself fall into the loving Arms of God Almighty. As I rested in His embrace, this is what I heard Him whisper so tenderly into my ear...

Dave...I have you, and I have ALL this: Your health, your finances, your work, your training, your writing, your family and friends, your whole life. It's all in My Hands; nothing has escaped my notice. I prompted you to take care of everything on Tuesday, and I knew exactly what would happen. I hated seeing you experience the distress over your account verses the large check you wrote, but I knew the final outcome (you had the money), and I wanted you to experience yet again my love and concern for you and your welfare...even down to the smallest detail. Everything you've gone through (and endured with such humility and dignity), I engineered for your ultimate good and for the good of those around you. Experience My goodness, and let those around you see it as I shower it down on you. Tell of it, My son; tell of it, and never stop doing so.

IKIGAI

The Life You Were Born to Live